I was writing quite a bit at the beginning of this pandemic. It was full of hope, and how I had made it through quarantine before, so I knew everything would turn out fine. But two solid weeks of being home, my perspective has shifted a little bit. And I am rather ashamed to even admit the shift, but I think many Americans may be experiencing the same type of feelings.

I do enjoy my kids being home with me. We haven’t started our home education yet, that begins Monday. They are missing their friends and tired of the backyard. This week has been a bit more chaotic, with everyone snapping a bit more, more tears, more misunderstandings. I often tell my kids that they need to be each other’s best friends, and now is the time where they are seeing that really play out.

We went to school this week and got everything out of their desks to bring it home to do school at home. That was sober, for me and for them. They love school and their teachers and are sad to be missing programs they had been preparing for literally for months. Reality set in that normal was changing.

My husband took a detail at work and his hours changed and he has been gone long hours every day. We have been affected as a couple by this. We have very little time to see each other and connect. And in this time when I am not getting out of the house, the connection with him is really vital to me. Thankfully, we have learned over the years good communication skills and were able to voice that we were missing each other and it was causing us stress and we made a plan to overcome that.

My health has been affected through this time. I usually rest while the kids are at school so that I am fully engaged when they are home. Now they are home all the time so being fully engaged starts early in the morning and doesn’t end until bedtime. Physical exhaustion has been very real, and feeking unwell leads to emotional exhaustion as well.

I’ve touched on how things are physically and emotionally. But I wasn’t prepared for the spiritual struggles this would cause. Normally in a crisis I turn to God very quickly. I’ll be honest, this has gone on long enough now, and I am spending so much time with the kids trying to keep them engaged and busy and not constantly bickering, that my spiritual life has suffered. I’m ashamed to even say that. My spiritual life should be thriving right now. But I feel as though my thoughts are scattered and finding any quiet time in my day happens long after the kids are asleep are night when I need to be sleeping for the sake of my health.

I have been writing prayers for covid-19 for Million Praying Moms and really spending time in the Word working on those prayers and that has been really good to focus on how to pray for others. But I feel like I have lost my rhythm. Does anyone else feel that way?

I’ve tried to stop watching the news as much and stop speculating about what will come next, because it appears there is just no way of knowing. I’m trying to cherish the time with my kids, embracing the fact that we will have hard days, but this is a good learning opportunity for how to get through those times. My spiritual practices look different. I am spending time in Gods Word writing prayers about the virus. It feels different so a bit wrong, but any time in Gods Word isn’t wasted. All of this is about perspective.

This week my perspective has been a bit gloomy. Last week, I stepped out on the water waking to Jesus like Peter did, trusting Jesus to help me, this week, I took my eyes off Him and started to sink. The beauty of this story? Jesus extends His hand to me, like He did to Peter and pulls me out of the water safely to His side. He gives me another chance. Tomorrow is a new day. Next week I can reset and so better.

This virus isn’t going away. We must learn to live in a new normal, I believe. I think I have to wrap my head around that and decide how to make the best of it. Acknowledging my feelings, failures, and finding fixes is a good place to start a new week. My kids are watching me. They take their cues from me. Could it be they were acting out because they felt by angst this week? Generally that is a big reason.

Next week, I need to rest in the fact that God will equip me for what He has called me to do. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. Will this virus go away magically next week? Absolutely not. Although God could do a miracle. But how I handle next week can make all the difference in the world for how my week goes and how it goes for my whole family. I need to fix my eyes on Jesus, not look at the waves and keep walking.